What If We Can't Afford a Funeral or Memorial?

Don't Add Guilt to Your Grief

One of the hardest things a family may face after a death is realizing that they don't have much money available for a funeral or memorial.

If that's your situation, please hear this first:

“You do not have to spend a great deal of money to honor someone you love”

The amount of money you spend does not measure how much you loved the person who died. An expensive funeral is not necessarily a more meaningful funeral, and a simple memorial is not a sign that you cared any less.

Start With What You Can Afford

Before you begin making arrangements, take an honest look at what you have available.

If there is insurance, a prepaid funeral arrangement, savings, or other money that you know will be available, include that in your thinking. But don't assume that you have to spend every dollar that becomes available.

Set a realistic amount that your family can comfortably afford.

Then tell the funeral director or cremation provider what that amount is.

“Don't be embarrassed to talk about money”

Ask what the available options are. Ask what each service costs. Ask what is required and what is optional.

You may discover that there are choices you didn't realize you had.

A Meaningful Memorial Doesn't Have to Be Expensive

Some of the most meaningful memorials are surprisingly simple.

You might gather at a church, community building, home, park, or another place that mattered to your loved one. Family members and friends can share memories. Someone can read Scripture, a poem, or a favorite passage. You can play music that meant something to the person you are remembering.

Photographs can tell a story without costing much money. A few personal items can help people remember a hobby, a career, military service, favorite sport, or something else that was important to your loved one.

Food doesn't have to be elaborate either. Sometimes coffee, cookies, sandwiches, or a simple meal shared by family and friends is enough.

The memorial is not about how much you spent. It's about the person you came to remember.

Don't Borrow Money Just to Impress People

Families sometimes feel pressure to create the kind of funeral they think other people expect.

Try not to let that pressure make your decisions for you.

You don't have to compete with another funeral you've attended. You don't have to choose the most expensive casket, the largest venue, the biggest floral arrangement, or the most elaborate reception simply because you believe that's what a funeral is supposed to look like.

And be cautious about taking on debt you cannot reasonably afford simply because you are afraid someone will think you didn't do enough.

You can honor someone without putting your family into financial trouble.

Ask Questions and Compare Your Options

If you are working with a funeral home or cremation provider, ask for an itemized explanation of the costs.

Don't be afraid to ask, "Is there another option that costs less?"

You can also take time to compare providers when circumstances allow. You are not being disrespectful by asking questions about prices. You're trying to make a responsible decision during a difficult time.

If you don't understand a charge or don't understand why something is being recommended, ask.

There Are Different Ways to Remember a Life

A memorial doesn't have to look a certain way to be meaningful.

Maybe the family gathers around a table and shares stories. Perhaps a church service is followed by a simple meal. Maybe friends meet at a favorite outdoor location and spend an afternoon remembering the person they knew.

What matters is that the people who loved that person have an opportunity to remember, to share, and to say goodbye.

“You don't prove your love by how much you spend”

Make the best decisions you can with the resources you have.

Take care of your family, too.

And remember that a simple memorial can still be a beautiful way to honor a life.