What Happens When We Choose Cremation?

Cremation is an option many families consider when someone dies. For some people, it is a long-held preference. For others, the family may begin considering it only after the death has occurred.

If you're unfamiliar with the process, you may have a lot of questions.

What actually happens when someone is cremated?

The process may seem complicated, but the basic idea is fairly straightforward.

What Is Cremation?

Cremation is a process that uses intense heat to reduce human remains to bone fragments. Those fragments are then processed into what are commonly called cremated remains.

People sometimes refer to those remains as “ashes,” although technically they are primarily processed bone fragments rather than the same kind of ash produced by burning wood or paper.

What Happens Before the Cremation?

Before cremation takes place, there are usually several things that have to be taken care of.

The death must be properly documented, and the person who died must be identified. The funeral home or cremation provider will also need information and authorization from the person or people legally responsible for making arrangements.

Exactly what is required can vary depending on where you live and the circumstances of the death.

If you are arranging cremation, ask the provider to explain what paperwork is required and who needs to sign it.

Don't be afraid to ask questions about anything you don't understand.

Does the Family Have to Have a Funeral First?

No.

A family may choose to have a traditional funeral or viewing before cremation, but that isn't the only possibility.

Some families choose a direct cremation without a funeral or viewing. Others have a memorial service before or after the cremation.

There are also families who choose to have a private gathering with close relatives and then hold a larger memorial later.

The timing and type of gathering can be shaped around what makes sense for your family.

What Happens to the Person Who Has Died?

The cremation provider prepares the person who has died according to its procedures and applicable laws.

The body is placed in a cremation container and then moved into the cremation chamber.

During the cremation process, intense heat reduces the body to bone fragments.

After the cremation has been completed and the remains have been allowed to cool, the remaining bone fragments are processed into a more uniform form.

The cremated remains are then placed in a container and returned to the family or handled according to the family's arrangements.

Because procedures and requirements can vary, your cremation provider should explain exactly how the process is handled.

Can We Say Goodbye Before Cremation?

Some families want an opportunity to see their loved one or say goodbye before the cremation.

Depending on the provider and the arrangements you've made, that may be possible.

Others may not want a viewing at all.

There isn't a requirement that every family say goodbye in the same way.

Perhaps you want a quiet moment with your loved one. Perhaps your family would rather remember them through photographs, stories, and a memorial service afterward.

Think about what would be meaningful to your family.

What Happens After the Cremation?

Once the cremation is complete, the cremated remains are returned according to the arrangements made with the provider.

At that point, the family has several choices about what happens next.

You may want to keep the remains in an urn. You may choose burial in a cemetery. Some families scatter the remains in a meaningful location where permitted. Others divide the remains among family members or choose another form of memorialization.

Those decisions don't necessarily have to be made immediately.

If you're not sure what you want to do, it's okay to take some time to think about it.

What About a Memorial Service?

Choosing cremation doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful memorial.

The memorial can take place before the cremation, afterward, or sometime later.

You can gather in a church, funeral home, community building, someone's home, outdoors, or another meaningful location.

The cremation and the memorial are two separate decisions.

You can choose cremation and still have a service that includes Scripture, prayer, music, stories, photographs, and everything else that is meaningful to your family.

Ask Questions

Cremation providers may use terminology you haven't heard before.

If something isn't clear, stop and ask.

Ask what is included in the price. Ask what choices are available. Ask about the cremation container, identification procedures, paperwork, the timing of the cremation, and how the cremated remains will be returned to you.

You don't have to know all the answers before you make the call.

You're allowed to ask questions.

Take Your Time Where You Can

Cremation may be unfamiliar territory, especially if you've never had to make these arrangements before.

Don't feel as though you have to understand everything in one conversation.

Ask questions.

Write down the answers.

Talk with your family.

And if you need clarification, ask again.

Cremation is simply one way of caring for someone who has died.

What matters is that you understand the process, know what decisions you're making, and have an opportunity to make those decisions thoughtfully.

Take a breath.

Ask your questions.

And take the next step when you're ready.