What Do We Do After the Memorial Service?

When the memorial service is over and everyone begins going home, something can change.

For days, there may have been phone calls, visitors, decisions, preparations, and people coming and going. Then suddenly, the room is quiet.

And you may find yourself thinking, “What do we do now?”

There isn't one answer to that question. But there are a few things worth remembering.

You Don't Have to Get Back to Normal

One of the strange things about a memorial is that it can create a sense of purpose during a time when everything else feels uncertain.

You have something to plan. People are coming. There are things that need to be done.

Then the service is over.

The phone may stop ringing. The house may become quiet. And the reality of the loss may feel different than it did before.

Don't expect yourself to simply go back to normal.

You have experienced something significant. Give yourself and your family some time to adjust to what has happened.

Take Care of the Things That Need Attention

There may still be practical matters that need to be handled after the memorial.

There may be documents to gather, phone calls to make, belongings to sort, bills or accounts that need attention, or other responsibilities that cannot simply be ignored.

But remember what we've talked about throughout this resource center:

You don't have to do everything today.

Make a list.

Figure out what truly needs attention first and what can wait.

Then work through the list one thing at a time.

Thank the People Who Helped

There may be people who stepped up when your family needed them.

Someone brought food. Someone helped with the memorial. Someone gathered photographs. Someone cleaned the house. Someone made phone calls. Someone simply sat beside you when you needed company.

When you're able, let them know that you appreciate what they did.

That doesn't mean you have to write twenty thank-you notes tomorrow.

A phone call, text, handwritten note, or simple conversation can be enough.

And if you aren't ready yet, that's okay.

People who truly care about you will understand.

What Do We Do With the Flowers, Cards, and Other Things?

After the memorial, you may suddenly have flowers, sympathy cards, photographs, programs, food containers, and other things scattered around the house.

Don't feel as though everything has to be dealt with immediately.

Enjoy the flowers while they last.

Read the cards when you're ready.

Put photographs and other meaningful items somewhere safe.

If someone gave you something that you don't know what to do with, set it aside until you have time to think.

There is no prize for getting everything put away the day after the memorial.

Stay Connected With One Another

Families sometimes discover that everyone grieves differently.

One person may want to talk constantly. Another may need quiet.

Someone may cry easily. Someone else may seem almost unaffected.

Don't assume that one person's way of grieving means they don't care.

Check on one another.

Ask how someone is doing. Listen when they want to talk. Give them space when they need it.

And remember that the person who appeared strongest during the memorial may need someone to check on them afterward.

What About the Person Who Died?

The memorial may be over, but your memories aren't.

You may find yourself remembering something while driving down the road. You may hear a song and suddenly think of them. You may see something they loved or find an old photograph in a drawer.

Let those memories come.

Talk about them.

Tell the stories.

Laugh when something was funny.

Cry when it hurts.

You don't have to stop talking about someone simply because the memorial service is finished.

Remembering someone is not the same thing as refusing to move forward.

Give Yourself Permission to Take the Next Step

There will be more decisions.

There may be difficult days ahead. There may also be surprisingly good moments when you laugh, enjoy something, or simply feel okay for a little while.

Don't feel guilty about those moments.

Grief doesn't follow a schedule.

Take care of yourself. Stay connected with people you trust. Talk with your pastor, family, friends, or others who can walk with you when you need someone beside you.

And if the weight you're carrying becomes more than you know how to handle, don't be afraid to ask for additional help.

Asking for help isn't a sign that you're failing.

Sometimes it's simply the next step.

The Memorial Is Over. Your Story Isn't.

The memorial service may have been the family's opportunity to gather, remember, tell stories, and say goodbye.

But it isn't the end of remembering.

There will be photographs you look at again.

There will be stories you tell years from now.

There will be birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and ordinary days when something reminds you of the person you loved.

You don't have to know today what all of that will look like.

For now, take care of what needs to be done.

Give yourself some room to breathe.

Stay close to the people who love you.

And remember the person whose life brought you to this moment.

The memorial may be over, but the memories remain.

Take a breath.

Take the next step.

You don't have to figure out everything else today.