What Kind of Memorial Should We Have?

When someone dies, one of the first things a family may wonder is, “What kind of memorial should we have?”

That can be a harder question than it sounds.

There are traditional funerals, memorial services, celebrations of life, informal family gatherings, and many variations in between. Some families want a large gathering. Others would rather have something small and quiet. Some want a church service filled with Scripture and prayer. Others may want something less formal.

The good news is that there isn't one right way to remember someone you love.

Start With the Person You Are Remembering

Before you decide what kind of memorial to have, think about the person who has died.

What would they have wanted?

If they talked about what they wanted after they died, those wishes should be part of the conversation.

What was important to them? What mattered to your family? How did they live their life? What kind of gathering would feel appropriate for the person you are remembering?

Maybe a traditional church service would fit them perfectly. Perhaps they would have preferred something informal with family and friends sitting around telling stories.

The right memorial doesn't have to be the one that looks most impressive. It should be one that helps people remember the person who brought them together.

There Isn't Just One Kind of Memorial

A memorial might look very different from one family to another.

A traditional service may include Scripture, prayer, hymns, a sermon or message, and a time for family and friends to share memories.

Another family may choose a celebration of life with photographs, favorite music, stories, and the things that made their loved one unique.

Someone else may want nothing more than a small gathering at home with the people who knew them best.

All of those can be meaningful.

The purpose isn't to follow a formula. The purpose is to remember a life.

What If We Want Something Very Simple?

You don't have to have a large or elaborate memorial.

Perhaps the family wants to gather at home, share a meal, look at photographs, tell stories, pray together, and simply spend some time remembering the person they loved.

That can be a memorial.

You don't need a large program, expensive decorations, or a long list of speakers to make the gathering meaningful.

Sometimes the simplest gatherings give people the most freedom to talk, laugh, cry, and remember.

What Does Your Family Need?

There are practical things to consider, too.

Perhaps family members need time to travel. Maybe the death was sudden and everyone needs some time to process what has happened. Financial circumstances may limit what you can do. Some family members may be comfortable with a large gathering while others would find something smaller more appropriate.

Those things matter.

Talk together before making the decision.

Ask what would be meaningful, what is practical, and what your loved one might have wanted.

Don't Let Someone Else's Memorial Become Your Standard

It can be easy to look at what another family did and think, “That's what we're supposed to do.”

You don't have to.

Every family is different. Every person is different. Every situation is different.

Your loved one may have been a person who enjoyed being surrounded by people. Someone else may have preferred quiet conversations with a few close friends.

Let the person you are remembering help shape the gathering.

Make It Meaningful

Whatever you decide, remember what you're trying to accomplish.

You're not putting on a show.

You're bringing people together to remember someone you loved, tell their story, share memories, and say goodbye.

It may be a traditional service in a church. It may be a gathering in a funeral home. It may take place in a community building, a backyard, or around the kitchen table.

There is more than one good way to remember a life.

Take a breath. Talk with your family. Think about your loved one.

Then choose the kind of memorial that fits the person you are remembering and the people who loved them.