Funeral, Memorial Service, or Celebration of Life: What's the Difference?

When someone dies, you may suddenly find yourself hearing a lot of words you don't use every day.

• Funeral

• Memorial service

• Celebration of life

And you may be wondering, What's the difference? And which one are we supposed to have?

The first thing I want you to know is that there isn't one right answer.

These terms can mean somewhat different things, but there is also a lot of overlap. Families don't always use them in exactly the same way. What one family calls a funeral, another may call a memorial service.

For that reason, don't get too caught up in the terminology.

What matters most is deciding what will be appropriate for your family and the person you are remembering.

What Is a Funeral?

Traditionally, a funeral is held relatively soon after someone dies and may include the body of the person who has died.

It might take place in a funeral home, a church, or another location. Scripture, prayer, music, a eulogy, a sermon or message, and an opportunity for family and friends to share memories may all be part of the service.

For families who have a Christian faith, a funeral can also be an important time to talk about the hope we have because of Jesus Christ.

A traditional funeral can be a very meaningful way to say goodbye. But it isn't the only way.

What Is a Memorial Service?

A memorial service is a gathering to remember and honor someone who has died, usually without the body being present.

One advantage of a memorial service is that you don't necessarily have to do everything immediately.

Perhaps your daughter lives in Texas. Your brother is in California. Your grandchildren are scattered across the country. Someone may need several days to make arrangements to travel.

That's okay.

A memorial service can take place days, weeks, or even months after the death.

The gathering might be held in a church, a funeral home, a community building, someone's home, outdoors, or almost anywhere else that is appropriate and meaningful.

The important thing is not the building.

The important thing is the people who gather and the person they have come to remember.

What Is a Celebration of Life?

A celebration of life is another way of gathering people together to remember someone who has died.

The name itself often tells you something about the emphasis. Rather than concentrating primarily on the formal elements of a traditional funeral, a celebration of life may spend more time telling stories, looking at photographs, listening to favorite music, talking about hobbies and interests, and remembering the things that made that person who they were.

Think about the things that made your loved one unique.

Maybe Dad spent every Saturday morning working on an old truck. Perhaps Mom never missed her grandchildren's ball games. Your husband may have loved to fish. Your wife might have had a way of turning a room full of strangers into friends.

Military service, music, working with their hands, raising animals, traveling, cooking, gardening, hunting, playing golf, or simply sitting around the kitchen table with family—those things are part of the story, too.

A celebration of life gives you an opportunity to tell that story.

So Which One Should We Have?

That's the question that really matters.

There is no formula. Instead, start with some simple questions.

What did our loved one want?

If they talked about what they wanted after they died, listen to those wishes.

What would be meaningful to our family?

Don't choose something simply because that's what somebody else did.

Do we want a religious service, a nonreligious gathering, or something in between?

There is room for different choices. A memorial can be deeply Christian, completely nonreligious, or somewhere in between, depending on the wishes of the family and the person being remembered.

Does our family need time to travel?

When people you love need several days or even several weeks to get there, don't automatically assume you have to rush.

Do we want the person's body present?

That may help determine whether a funeral or memorial service makes the most sense.

Would a formal service or a more informal gathering better reflect the person we are remembering?

Think about who they were and what would feel natural for them.

And finally:

What can we comfortably afford?

Please don't overlook that question.

You do not have to spend a great deal of money to have a meaningful gathering.

The goal isn't to put on the perfect funeral. The goal is to remember a person you loved, gather the people who loved them, tell their story, and say goodbye.

There is more than one good way to do that.

Take a breath. Talk with your family. Think about what your loved one would have wanted. Then make the choice that feels right for you.

You don't have to do this exactly like someone else did it.

You are remembering your loved one. Make it personal. Make it meaningful. And make it yours.